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Ask Miss Pearl

  • By The Newnan Times-Herald
  • |
  • Jun. 26, 2020 - 5:05 PM

Ask Miss Pearl

The Newnan Times-Herald

“On your left, damnit!”

Big and I have recently returned from spending several days at the beach. I cannot believe the number of people who are absolutely clueless about beach manners and common courtesies.

Let’s review:

1. Please do not set up camp on top of someone else. The beach is big enough for social distancing … and maybe you should wake up earlier so that you are not infringing on someone else’s space!

2. Many beaches are extra crowded since people are not traveling like they do during a “normal” summer. Depending on how crowded the beach is, you may need to cancel the family softball game or refrain from showing off your soccer and/or lacrosse skills while on the beach. In other words, be aware of the people around you. And you had best not be throwing a ball or frisbee close to my head or else I may have to go all gnat line girl on you!

3. Everyone does not want to listen to your music. Please be respectful of those around you, but feel free to crank it up if you happen to be listening to the 70’s station.

4. If you suffer from a weak bladder and must relieve yourself in the ocean, please be discreet

about it. Yes, everyone does it, we just don’t want to KNOW that you are!

5. When riding bikes on the beach, cart path or any other running, riding, walking space, it is best to follow the rules of the road. Our slow friends should stay on the right to allow others to pass. When you are going to pass someone, the courteous thing to do is to holler, “On your left!” so the person knows you wish to pass. It is rude to ride, walk, run, skip or skate in the middle of the path.

6. I don’t have a problem with people listening to music when they are exercising on a sidewalk or cart path. I DO, however, have a problem when their music is so loud that they can’t hear me screaming, “On your left!” and when I DO pass them, they look at me as if I have done something wrong. I’m not proud of how many times I have been forced to scream, “On your left, dammit!”

7. The only visible backside cheeks on the beach had best belong to a precious toddler. You are not in your backyard and NO ONE wants to see your privates.

8. If you are taking the family out to eat for the “all you can eat crab claw buffet,” guess what? You are probably going to have to wait an hour or more before being seated. You are most likely going to have to wait wherever you go so don’t get all testy and ugly. This is a great time for family bonding (assuming everyone is still speaking) and also provides some great people watching!

9. Please do not allow your shorts-wearing Daddy, husband, PawPaw or son to wear black knee socks with their sandals or tennis shoes. I assure you that someone WILL be talking about them if you do!

10. Take a trash bag with you to the beach to put all of your garbage in. We need to clean up after ourselves and be mindful of others — as well as the nesting sea turtles.