I wish to take this moment to apologize to every American.
If you were born before 1960, you too should write an apology. It is our generation that caused the lead-coated paint to be put on all Chinese toys to poison our children. Many of you probably do not remember causing this atrocity, but you are still guilty.
It started at the dinner table when I was a child. I remember it as if it was yesterday. It went like this. My mother would say, "You eat those English peas young lady. The people in China are starving."
Bear in mind this was in the day when children could be swatted on the behind without the parents having to go to jail and serve time. Yep, before the days of justified child discipline being a felony.
Well, I ate my English peas. So did my brother and sister. We had English peas on top of mashed potatoes, we had English peas cooked with potatoes, we had English peas with rice, we had left-over English peas cooked with fresh English peas.
When they were left over the second day, we made English pea soup. I put blue food coloring in mine once to see if it would change the taste.
In 1950 the population of China was a measly 563 million. Thanks to the consumption of billions of English peas, today China's population is 1.4 billion. In other words, if they walked by you in single file, the line would never end because of the frequency of new births.
This makes me respect a few facts of life. Through some type of chemical reaction, when English peas are consumed in the United States it reacts as an aphrodisiac in China.
And so you have it. Now there are over one billion Chinese spray painting toys with lead paint. We have parents in the United States who are so ignorant that they go buy lead detection kits made in China to check the lead content of toys made in China.
Can anyone in Newspaperland explain this logic to me?
Give your children a book made in the United States. If they have LPWS (Lead Paint Withdrawal Syndrome) and pitch a little temper tantrum, smack their backside and throw away their cell phone so they cannot call the law.
It may be too late, but I advise all of you to quit eating tacos, immediately.