The Newnan Times-Herald

Opinion

Life on the left coast


  • By The Newnan Times-Herald
  • |
  • Apr. 02, 2019 - 5:00 PM

Life on the left coast

The Newnan Times-Herald

Recently Cindy and I were in southern California (SoCal) for a business (hers; I’m retired) as well as pleasure (ours; I may have mentioned I’m retired) trip. One morning while I was out for a run the most amazing thing happened.

You may want to hold onto your hat for this one.*

*A phrase developed by the Department of Creating Phrases without Actual Literal Translations in Foreign Languages

I was about four miles from the hotel when I ran up on Mila Kunis and right after that two of the Kardashian sisters (I recognized them both from/by behind). But here’s where “it” happened: suddenly and without warning it rained. That’s right, it rained. In SoCal.

If you’re not meteorologically inclined such as myself, let me be the first to tell you: it never rains in southern California. The average resident of southern California will see Haley’s Comet* more often than they’ll see rain. In fact the color of the California state flag is beige, symbolic of the rain-deprived vegetation in the area.

*When I was young I wanted to form a band and call it Haley’s Comet. Only three things held me back: (1) I can’t play an instrument, (2) I can’t sing and (3) none of my names are ‘Comet.’

All of us know what two inches of snow does to Georgia. Let me also be the first to tell you that 12 minutes of rain has the same effect in SoCal. The local citizens wouldn’t step outside of their cars or homes. The looks on their faces was the same one Chief Brody had in the film Jaws when he said “we’re going to need a bigger boat.” The local grocery stores instantly sold out of bread and milk. If the local stores carried umbrellas, they would have sold out of them as well. (Fact: the closest place to buy an umbrella if you live in California is Oregon.)

When I got back to the hotel I flipped through the channels on television and all of the local stations were interrupting their regular programming for exclusive coverage of the rain (that by now had stopped 45 minutes earlier).

I realize SoCal – for the most part – has Georgia beat when it comes to weather. The cool mornings, the warm days and the absence of humidity are certainly more pleasant than here, where we might experience three of the four seasons in a single day. But we’ve got SoCal beat in other areas such as:

  • Sports: We have SEC football; SoCal has the Los Angeles Rams (whose fans are so apathetic the Rams played their home games in St. Louis for a decade and hardly anyone noticed).
  • Food: In SoCal none of the food is fried; here, we fry Twinkies.
  • Entertainment: SoCal has Disneyland; thankfully, we don’t.

I will admit their Pacific Ocean is a lot prettier than our Atlantic. The water is a light, almost crystal-like blue while ours is the color of mud. This just means that SoCal is slightly ahead of us when it comes to research and development:

Somehow they’ve figured out a way to develop mutant poop-free aquatic life.

Scott Ludwig lives, runs and writes in Senoia. His latest book, “Southern Charm” is a collection of his first 101 columns for The Newnan Times-Herald. He can be reached at magicludwig1@gmail.com .