During our college days my friend Stan had a saying: “If I want your opinion I’ll beat it out of you.”
His wit is one of the many reasons I chose him to be the best man in my wedding more than 40 years ago. If I were to guess I would say Stan’s wisdom evolved into the often used “opinions are like a**holes; everyone has one,” something I have no argument with.
I mention this because my columns appear on the Opinion Page. They are anything but an opinion because in my opinion – since it’s relevant – opinions are personal. If I wanted to hear your opinion I would ask. Take comfort knowing I wouldn’t beat it out of you like Stan. Then again Stan was probably kidding when he said it, but that would just be my opinion.
Ideally my columns would be more appropriate for a Feature or Life section of the paper. Some readers have asked why I’m reluctant to share my opinions on certain topics. In that here are my opinions on a variety of things. Don’t judge me because these are just my opinions, and judging me would be like judging my a**hole. And nobody has that right except my proctologist.
- High school coaches who make students run as punishment need to wake up. News flash: Running is good for you! Instead have the misbehaving kids do something useless like my 10th grade P.E. teacher had us do – climb a knotted rope suspended from the roof of the gym.
- I rented a car once for $48 a day. The rental car agent asked if I wanted an upgrade for $75. I said OK. I found out when I paid my bill after using the car for a week that he omitted the word “more” when he quoted the price. I think the agent should have been drawn and quartered. I would have handled it personally.
- Marijuana has never led to a death from overdose. It is also illegal. Yet alcohol contributes to many kinds of deaths and is perfectly legal. Who’s on first, America?
- There are way too many drivers who are clueless approaching a roundabout, so why build them? It’s obvious that navigating roundabouts isn’t taught in drivers’ education. It’s also apparent roundabouts aren’t monitored by law enforcement because if they were there would be a lot more flashing red lights there.
- People convicted of victimless crimes should not be behind bars. There are better options: House arrest, community service and work details instantly come to mind. As for those convicted of crimes involving victims, they should be placed inside a large concrete wall surrounding the perimeter of Manhattan, just like they did to all the hardened criminals in “Escape from New York.”
A friend of mine said, “I hit a deer,” and having hit three deer myself I told him it wasn’t a big deal as long as he wasn’t hurt. Then he finished his sentence: “…dear, dear friend and I feel horrible.” Sure, I could have been more sensitive, but in my opinion he could have talked faster. So I’m calling it a draw.
Now my friend thinks I’m an a**hole, but that’s just his opinion.
Scott Ludwig lives, runs and writes in Senoia. His latest book, “Southern Charm” is a collection of his first 101 columns for The Newnan Times-Herald. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org .