Since the headline mentioned a “green-haired punk turtle” and the story wasn’t about the Teenage Mutant Ninja variety I had to keep reading.
The critter in question is the Mary River turtle. It is named after the Mary River in Australia, which scientists say is the only place on earth these creatures exist.
And soon, they may not exist at all. The Mary River turtle was once a highly-desired pet. It is now among the world’s most endangered species.
It’s also among the world’s ugliest animals, noted mostly for the spiky strands of green algae that grow on the top of its head. Better yet, the Mary River turtle breathes through its genitals.
This poor creature is so unpopular, it doesn’t even have a Facebook page.
It may be endangered, but I think the world can probably do without a green-haired, genital-breathing amphibian.
Wooly mammoths died off thousands of years ago. Passenger pigeons and Dodo birds were hunted into extinction in just the last 200 years. That’s how the world works. When species lose their usefulness or can’t cope with the competition, they disappear.
Unfortunately, many undesirable life forms are harder to kill off than cockroaches. This includes a subset of humans whose sole purpose in life is hating members of the human race that don’t share their political opinions or skin color.
A crowd of these losers are about to visit my hometown of Newnan, Georgia. They call themselves the National Socialist Movement (NSM) .
The NSM is a Detroit-based neo-Nazi group whose members love to dress up like Adolf Hitler’s storm troopers and try to intimidate people. To its credit, the NSM doesn’t sugar coat its message. The organization’s website calls the NSM “America’s Premier White Civil Rights Organization.”
Their motto is “Putting Family, Race and Nation First.” So much for global harmony.
The NSM has decided to hold a rally at a public park in Newnan on Saturday, April 21. When word of the planned event went pubic, news organizations around the world started making plans to visit Newnan and film shots of America at its worst.
Another group known as Antifa is expected to travel to Newnan to “document” the event. We'll see how that goes. Antifa’s efforts at “documenting” hate groups often leads to more trouble.
Last summer, Antifa members showed up at a rally in Berkeley, California. Instead of singing “We Shall Overcome,” Antifans were filmed bashing their opponents with signs that said “No Hate.”
The citizens of Newnan aren't happy about the unwanted guests, but will handle this nightmare and move on.
Locals plan to hold church services and peaceful rallies far from the NSM gathering.
Law enforcement agencies will be busting the overtime budgets to make sure enough officers are on hand to keep things peaceful and calm while the idiots exercise their constitutional right to fill the air with hate speech.
If any place can pull it off, Newnan can. If the NSM members are looking for a warm welcome, they need to look elsewhere.
With any luck, the event will go off peacefully. The haters will be overlooked and ignored. And that’s the worst thing that can happen to hate groups. These groups continue to exist because they continue to be noticed.
The best way to eradicate hate groups is to starve them of attention. That’s just what Newnan citizens plan to do.
I don’t know if the NSM has a mascot, but I can suggest one. Considering their ideas and collective IQs, I think a green-haired punk turtle that breathes through its genitals is perfect.
Alex McRae is the author of “There Ain’t No Gentle Cycle on the Washing Machine of Love.” He can be reached at: firstname.lastname@example.org